After Love, It’s Parenting.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hay, have it been a while for me to write, isn’t it?

Well, I have a lot to write about, I can tell you that—but to have the actual time to allocate for a typing session is hard to find. So now I’m saving up the whole night for writing whatever I feel right now.

Since I’ve been living with my parents I hang out with them a lot—particularly after dinner when it’s TV time for us. One of the usual series we used to watch is Nanny 911. No, it’s not a police story but a reality TV show about parenting. We usually sit around the table, in front of the TV, and watching how a real-life family struggle through sibling rivalry and parental authority.

Funny isn’t it that I watch parenting stuffs? No, I’m not getting one of that biological clock feeling where I suddenly want to get married. No, no no! It’s just that watching them reminded of my younger, childish days; where I was loud, obnoxious, and just plain rowdy.

But there is a deeper meaning to the reality TV show that we watched. Me and my parents would sat down and discuss what the parents did wrong and what he/she should have done right. Sometimes the parents are too strict, until their children cannot communicate with each other. Sometimes the parents are too soft, that their children seem to step all over them.

"Ma, you don't like it? WHO CARES!"

Truthfully, when I was watching that TV I realized that parenting is not as easy as it looks. Parents, like any other humans are not perfect. But they have to raise a young being right, and every tiny flaw they had gets magnified by the kids who will definitely practice them in daily life, sometimes even worse than their parents.

From watching those TV series, I realise that I may not be that ready for parenthood. Well, some people might say that after you reach so-and-so age, you must find a suitor and get married. Many people, especially the older generation measure Marriageability as the age period where people (usually women) are at their peak and physically able to bear children. Sure, that is one rather scientifically plausible reason to marriage. For example it is scientifically proven that genetic birth defects increase as women reach their 40s.

Thus marriage should be done, for women, in their adolescent years. However, by that sense, marriage is easy...but after marriage comes parenthood. No family wants themselves without children do they? As soon as the offspring is born, also born are a new set of responsibility called parenthood. Surviving parenthood needs a full set of both IQ and EQ. Can we handle that?

This is what happens with low IQ, I think. tsk, tsk.

Parenting is a full-time job, sometimes even more than that. It’s not like raising a baby cat or a Tamagotchi pet. Thinking that we can work and raise a kid at the same time it’s definitely wrong. “Hey, I can just hire a bibik, who cares?” you might say. Yes, bibik can cook and clean and dress up your kids, but the one dressing up their personality would be you. Parents are expected to teach them how to speak politely with elders, being assertive with other siblings, being a leader of their peers, and so on. Not even the best religious private school can build their personality; that can only be done by learning with example (kepimpinan melalui teladan).

Thus, whenever I am asked whether I am not planning to get married, while my friends are, I can just say; I’m not ready. I don’t want to jump head first into the world of parenthood with a childish and immature personality, which will reflect far worse on my young ones. So let me enjoy my young life first, and prepare myself for maturity along the way, and settle down to have a family when I'm really, really ready.

If you think this is right, you are STILL NOT READY!